Distance is hard...

I know it may sound a bit pathetic since we are only 90 miles apart and get to see each other every weekend but that doesnt necessarily make it any easier. We have just passed the halfway point for finishing this summer apart and it has really started fighting us. But one thing it has taught me is a little about what to expect in marraige. Though we refer to ourselves as crusty love aroud our friends because by our age's standards we have been together forever, to the couple that has been married 50 years we are still very much new love. What this summer has shown me, especially this week, is how delibirate and conscious love has to be. Just this week, i was going along thinking i was doing pretty well at loving Amanda and making her feel loved, I was just loving her however and whenever it just naturally came out, but was making little no conscious effort to love her in a specific way. After only two days of this it was brought to my attention that she was feeling no love from this and I was taken aback, in my mind I had been doing pretty good. What it made me realize is that just taking for granted that your love is being conveyed effectively and assuming your natural tendencies are enough is a very dangerous road to take. It made me realize that if I do not have a very specific plan and concentrated focus on how and when specifically I am going to love her, I run the very real risk of neglecting her. Now, to tie this back into my original statement about what it has taught me about what to expect in marraige, is that I will have to be every bit as deliberate and more in our marraige. If this is how out of whack it can get by just being a little tired and not seeing each other for a few days, I can only begin to imagine how much more that this is true 15-20 years down the road when the natural tendency (just a guess) is to take each other for granted, and at times the desire to love each other ebs somewhat. If that day comes and I have not learned how to love deliberately and intentionally, I can only hope to let her down in those harder moments. So now the action from this lesson, since a lesson is no good if you don't do anything about it. For starters, I am going to start each week thinking of one special thing to do for her and plan it specifically out. Then, in addition to doing that, I am going to start the habit of in my morning prayers each day, asking God what little ways I should love her throughout the day and then commit to doing them. Thats all i've got so far but I can only assume I am going to learn a lot more about loving her over the rest of my life, and nothing in this world excites me more than that thought.
Shalom,
TJ